just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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