and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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