My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
