Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
