Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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