you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
