just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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