I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
