I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's blow job season.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The struggles of a small town man whore
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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