So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sober January is a disaster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
