I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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