yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
