She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
