It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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