Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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