Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
