OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
