oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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