We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
