So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Come see our sink grown plant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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