I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
