I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
