Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
