You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
