just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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