I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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