I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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