Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
