One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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