I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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