Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
