I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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