fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
