Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF