I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away