he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
