I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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