after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Randomize
