U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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