I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
