Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
