I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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