I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love you. Go after that dick
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
