by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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