fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
