I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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