ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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