I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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