is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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