Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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