Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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