we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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