Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
