i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
