I've blown a few things in my day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
