he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
