Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
