Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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