I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
