We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
