Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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