Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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