I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
