sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
