College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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