Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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