blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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