On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
