My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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